Remember when you were young and your mom would say, “You’re known by the company you keep,” or, “Birds of a feather flock together”?

Don’t tell my mom I agree with her—LOL—but it’s true.

As we get older, we sometimes forget those lessons because the language changes. Instead of calling people our “company,” we talk about our circle, network, relationships, and connections. The words may be different, but the principle remains the same: the people closest to us influence how we think, how we behave, what we accept, and sometimes even how others experience us.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that my name, reputation, and integrity often enter a room before I do. A poor connection can damage what took years to build. Recovery is possible, but it can require more work than many people are prepared to do.

If my children learn anything from me, I want them to understand that they will be influenced and sometimes judged by the company they keep. I want them to spend time with people who will tell them the hard truth, plant seeds they can build upon, celebrate their growth, and encourage them to become their best selves. Their circle can either open doors or quietly keep them standing outside of them.

Recently, I realized I had been approaching my own network and relationships the wrong way. I was focused on expanding my circle in the direction I wanted my life to go, and I felt frustrated by the slow pace of my progress. What I had not considered was whether some of my current connections were keeping me from moving forward.

When I took an honest inventory, I noticed that some people around me offered comfort but never challenged me to grow. Some supported my negative thinking, complaints, and misery rather than helping me move beyond them. They were not necessarily bad people, but I had to ask whether I had given every connection the right amount of access and influence.

I discovered…

• I had connections that challenged me to become my best self and told me the hard truth.
• I had connections that made me feel good about who I was while remaining supportive and understanding.
• I had connections that drained me, while the only thing I gained was a place to complain and receive an “amen” for my negativity.
• I had connections that were simply doing nothing.
• I had connections that poured into me and encouraged me to grow professionally.
• I had connections that fed my doubts and insecurities.
• I even had connections with people, and I honestly didn’t know why.

The difficult truth was that I was spending too much time watering relationships that fed my doubts or agreed with my negativity. Meanwhile, I wasn’t spending enough time nurturing the connections that challenged me, strengthened me, and supported my growth.

When I changed the strength of my connections, I changed the clarity of my reception.

Every relationship does not need to end, but every person does not need the same level of access. As adults, we have to understand the importance of prioritizing our connections. Some people belong in our everyday lives, while others may need to remain at a respectful distance.

Spend less time connected to people who support you in remaining miserable. Those relationships may remind you of where you no longer want to be, and perhaps your growth may eventually inspire something positive in them. But spend most of your time with the people who challenge you, encourage you, speak life into you, and help you become your best self.

The Creativ3 Curv3 theory is not only about surviving the unexpected turns in our lives. It is also about becoming intentional as we navigate them. Sometimes moving through a curve requires us to reevaluate who is traveling beside us, adjust the strength of certain connections, and create room for relationships that support the direction in which we are growing.

Your circle does not have to look exactly like you, think exactly like you, or agree with everything you say. But it should not require you to remain stuck, small, bitter, or disconnected from who you are becoming.

My mom was right: we are known by the company we keep. Choose people who help you protect your peace, strengthen your purpose, and maintain your best Curv3—your smile.